Barney's Warehouse Sale

First, there is a long line up, adjudicated by a bouncer, where they will make you check the big canvas tote you carry instead of a purse. Then you snake your way through Mens, upstairs to Womens, where you will find that the shoes and dresses and clothes are still on average $500 to $1500 after having been marked down 50% to 70%, and yet are sort of tossed around and piled and smashed, so that you have to make sure you don't fall in love with something too abused by the Warehouse Sale process.

There are security guards everywhere, one of whom I asked for the changing room, and she pointed to the far wall. Once I got there, I found no doors, but there were some women surreptitiously slipping one article off for another, in front of a row of full-length mirrors haphazardly taped to a wall. I stood there for a moment to make sure that this was in fact the changing procedure - not wanting to outright ask since I didn't want anyone to know this was My First Barney's Warehouse Sale - and then I jumped right in, when-in-Rome, kicked off my shoes, dropped my jeans, and was immediately told by a woman "Ma'am, you can't change right here, you have to go further into the corner."

I am not good at fashion so a lot of it looks like clown clothes to me anyway but I left with a very dinner-in-Montauk-ready Helmut Lang pinafore for $115, Size 2. Haha, SEE YOU AT THE WEDDING ON SATURDAY.